Also

Me also

Yes, some days are so and so in my life too.
And yes, sometimes I'm tumbling deep down in a depression like state too.
Feeling awful, miserable, worthless, painful, negative, useless,
don't think I never had/have such days/weeks in my life.
When I write about being in the flow,
it's because I know the difference very well,
because I enjoy it every minute,
because I know what it is to be out of the flow,
when everything is so and so,
or to be in a depressive state, which is never so and so,
where is no light and where seems to be no way out........

That last state of being is not often mine
and when its there, it is never expected,
when its there it is like raising water:
I try to swim
and then I get tired
and instead of thinking about floating on it
I get afraid, out of control, I feel I'm die.

Once I had such a day,
My body woke up painful,
like it always does after a hot day before
and hot means to my body +25°C
so it isn’t hot at all
but my body doesn't stand this temperature.
I worked the day before 12 hours in a row, 5 hours above 25°C.
When I came home I didn't want to lay down early,
fought against all signals, did some computer work.

So next morning I woke up in pain,
went to the work in pain
heard a lot of negativity on the news
out other peoples mouth
it started to rain very hard
the pain in my body raised
I could not think clear
came back home
went to my parents
they were negative too
got headache
did the shopping, took mom with me,
in the meantime I felt like I drowned
I spoke very negative.
Started to blame everybody,
decided that I could not be like this anymore
and went home without taking my parents out for a diner or drink.

They did not deserve this,
but I could not be nice and happy anymore.
I felt like the devil was in me.
I felt I wanted too......... don't ask
I drove back home
I don't remember my way back home clearly
was glad that I could sleep
and to all what happened that day,
to all those stories,
to all that pain in my body,
to all people who want show compassion with me
I said 'fuck you'

My body was a bit better the day after
My mind seemed to be a bit better
I was recovering, I hoped so....
There was a lot to do
and a lot of tears wanted flow too.

..........Had to excuse me to my parents..........

Don't you ever think I don't have those days!